Promise but yet empty promise

What is that you don't touch, and break easily? yup, promise, that it. lately it is not as good as anything else there is to good for.

I used to keep all my promise, especially to my friend. Hmm, Be on time to play ball, be on time when wanna hang out, I don't mind reaching early in those day. Saying I will train hard to improve, yes indeed I improve, defeated the one I wanna defeat. Most of it, It is just in sport(No mean to brag).

Now, in college life, people change's. Especially people once close with you. They will never be the same like before, even me. Now that I don't meet them often, They tend forget me and goes on, Well, i hate to admit this, but this is life. People don't wait, people don't hold on to what they have. Stupidly, why do I....

Well, the truth always make people feel uneasy(especially the bible told us so, devil makes us feel that we are "ok", we are right, but actualy we are not.), the truth make them feel unwanted, BUT no, when we speak the truth, they will still wanna complain that the truth we speak is fake(wrong) and theirs is right!!!!! WTH!!! You can hear them talk about stuff they wanna do so much, and not putting any effort in it. Suck to have people like this, PLS!!! do the talk, don't just talk the talk. Once or twice you don't do it, understandable. More then that, I(Edwin) started losing faith in you. Seriously, you do it few times, ENOUGH!

I admit, i break my friend before(i apologize and try not to do it anymore), but you keep doing it again, ready to be forgiven????? . I will not say much as I have not reach a certain level to speak that way, But seriously, if you wanna do it so much, talk less, do more!!!!

Grenade

Every time Bruno mars sings "I will catch a grenade for you"

I was seriously caught by the voice and also the lyric!

I just can't imagine who will do it to.

Now that I realize, people who are in love.

Seriously, IN lOVE!!!!

I once thought I can sacrifice anything for this girl, but things don't work out the way I plan.

By just thinking, Won't make any difference in life, So to say, I am Failure, yup, FAILURE!!!!

Funny thing is, after sharing with my freind. I can't just forget her the way I once use to forget.

It is like, hoping one day, everything will turn into place.

Freaking lazy

Don know what to say lah.....

Just that, easily get frustrated, easily get irritate

Unlike high school life, you can tell anything to anybody knowing that he will be a good listener even though his or she is not.....

Now a days, hardly you find anyone willing to listen to what you wanna say.

Everyone will be like asking "YO, WATZZUP, HOW YOU, HEY, HI" and then off to their own duties..... hehehehe

the sad part of the whole idea was, you got no one to turn to, no one to tell it to, what i mean i s problem. alway thinking about it make self kinda sick.

The good part is, we learn how to think, how to convince ourself that this or that matter is not as big as we thought.

Then come FB, hmmmmm.........

We use to sit together with friend talking our own stories and understand it, laugh about it, joke about it, and exchange ideas or own thought. But now adays we don talk like we use to talk, we post it in "FB", there are plenty of friend will comment it, it make us feel good, knowing that people notice, people comment, exchanging thought and all. But, when friend meet up, we don talk about it, because it is already say in FB, comment it again won't and also knowing that you are long winded....:) just a thought:)

Yeah.... Hehe:)

It been quite some time that I did not even wanna write or blog my blog...:)

Nvm about that, I would my best to write something of me(knowing no body will read sound like a waste, but who care, I just write...:))

Hm... let see, i just finish my 4 week posting at the hospital Serdang and a student nurse:) thing are getting more and more interesting. We get to see real open wound, with real diabetic gangrene ulcer foot(some of the patient), real bloody scene, and real job to be handle. And of course, exam is just around the corner.....:)

Thing are getting laid back. I don't feel the fear i used to. For example: preparing for a fight when Some one pisses me off, with some feeling of fear yet, not ended up a fight at the end of the day( this won't be nice, because even I my self haven been fighting ever since I was in primary) sort of make a oath to myself that I won't fight. And I am still keeping it now:)

about promise, i sort confuse myself by promising and then not happening, I hated it when I take thing for granted, knowing that everything will turn out orderly without me working hard for it. some thing has to strike, and indeed, it strike. another example of this will be, when I promise some one that i will tell her something, in the end i forget, but she is still thinking about all this time. Feeling guilty won't do much. Waiting for the thing settle is even not in my blood. Now that i am still searching for the right time to say it orderly....... hope it work.

lastly, I guess I just think to much. Thinking is good, but thinking too much is bad. Well, How do I put it, hm........ eg, thinking how a friend would think of me as a??? thnking how would thing turn out to as bad as i ever think, but it turn out to be good...:P this are minor stuff and yet, I can't figure it out.

Yet for the major part will be, "connecting picture" different occasion happen for a reason, it is all connect, A person suddenly hate you, it mean something. hmm, another thing will be "What goes around, comes around" hehe.... hatred, anger, bad thing, what i have done, it will come back to me one day.....:)

What else.........

Friend are alway there, and yet I am still.......
People there i like will alwaybe there too.......

I read it some where. Christian book, saying if u have a burden "Cast it to lord"
Yes, i did pray for that.

And Yes, I am unable to express my self that much, tat is the burden i am having lately.
Who to tell, who will listen, why in the 1st place i would think this way...... lack of word in explaining something, speaking something so unorganize(people would get irritate)

It would be a pleasure tat people tell me about their problem. Does it mean "trust"?

During posting in hosptal. Well people died, it is something common, but I onli get to see 2 died, in one day, tat left me thinking how short can it be....
After a week, I get a message saying one of my freind's father pass away.
It is not that this bothering me or wat....it is just, no matter who, they won't be with us(i mean, the world) for ever so called life.

I am still unable to say which is what, what is why, What to worried......i will stop here,b4 everything turn nonsense:)!

So, this is what happen

I was so sure i got back at the right track with a group of friend, hanging out, chatting, Yum cha!! shock!!! but it seem like whatever i do, is really not enough to what they can accept, in just one day when u say u can't hang out or cancel a day out or something... it is like I have dump them or something, then the next time, they wont call u out for good! haiz.......

I have been thinking whether which one to focus more, or which one to do 1st. So many thing to do in such a little time!!! anyway, i wont exactly post what i want to do in this blog.... but roughly, do it, and then u guys will know it!!! It is better done then say( something like this) hehehehhehe!!!

finally, which i have been thinking lately, people can't always be there for u, it not whether how u earn ur fame then people will respect u. I have done that, it seem like that failing me most of the time! have to change abit of the mindset.... hehe! and lastly, seriously, what i thought, when story change, people change!!! Thanks God, that he show me a way, by using friend around me.

When story change with the people, Onli the story move on, People wont change!! izzit this way???? eheheheh!!! do comment!!!!

Gossip

Well, I have been always looking forward at posting(nursing practical). The bad and good happen at the same time. I guess it always happen that way. Which I must quickly adapt to it.

This thing i realise......... Very Very hurting, Normal, And TRUE!!!!

People have the right to feel offended and able to speak up.... And yet, they uses it differently. I can't say that i didn't do it. Because, unintentionally, i speak up my mind to the other which is "OK".

Here goes nothing, They can act cute, good, nice infront of you, and yet they will go behind ur back and talk crap, ONE THING that gets on my nerve, instead of the truth, they change the story and interpret it more "worst" in order to make things sound interesting. WHICH REALLY SUCKS......

If u are saying the truth, then go ahead....... But if u know that friend of urs is a "big mouth" fellow, Do u think u wan him to know about ur stuff??? this is what i am lucky for, around me, i Don see any of my friend being BIG MOUTH, not now... hopefully, not in the future.

And lastly, if I really done anything wrong, because seriously, some times i don't understand what I did is wrong or right.... SO, pls! personally, find me, tell me(not for advise but for my fault)

The problem is.....

Erm.... Now that i have reach this age! OK, i admit, kinda cool to be in this age!!!

Seriously wei.... i would rather stay in my younger day, enjoying every moment(realistic la, have to grow up).

SEE, people ask what am I studying now, I would proudly answer it.

But when people ask whether u have GF ornot.... my answer would be not yet.

Straight away, when both of this question connected, they would think that i am GAY.

Whatever, I have my point of being single and studying this course!! hahahaha

About my course, very long story, i woould onli tell it to certain some one, why i wanna take this course!!!

About the point of being single or not. SERIOUSLY doubt when people say, "aiya, with ur looks and size, easily can gf loh". WTH, Wat with my look? size? i mean... NVM NVM!!!

about the look, i wont comment, let it judge by ur self, whoever reading this.

about the size, i have plan, not being to big!!! slim..... ya, big but not huge, bicep! slim waist, broad shoulder!!! SERIOUSLY, hard to build some thing like this.

anyways, here is where i think of a relationship,

BEING TOGETHER, when boys have to like pay everything. Come on, BOYS, u r gettin married, she is going to give u a family, be a man.

Secondly, Commitment is a big issue, i mean, now at my age, all I think is study and sport. Where some more got time for gurl oh!!! hanging out enough edi!!! don have to always be together and all those sort of stuff.

Thirdly, From my point of view, well!!! seriously, if I aren't sure this girl is my last GF, break up will happen, and guess wat, I will break another girl heart!!! THIS IS WHAT I DON WANNA DO!

Well, this summarize everything, being together take more than just love. OK let say the opposite sex wanted to be together, Reject? or choose to pleased him or her to be together!

For me, reject her breaks her heart. This is big matter.

What if both of u have been together, reject her will be even serious matter.

Why choose big when you can choose small!!!

Have been thinking of this quite some times!!! Onli now are able to make it into an essay that are readable!!! HEHEHEHE:)

Should I Put it "finally", "for now"

well, thing have gotten pretty well lately.

To be honest, i have this feeling of going in the club and enjoy those drinks.....

but some time, thing just doesn't get ur ways.. wel!!! :)

meeting up with friend can seriously connect me back to pieces.... how they talk, what they talk, how my self react to it.... It is just, "It make me realize how am I acting lately"

which is not good, i mean acting ain't gonna help a person.

Secondly, have u ever been into a situation, ur close freind, best friend, friend....

for me, "it was her beauty-ness that suck me into an uncousious situation, where i can't find a word to talk to her.... it is just her"......beauty..

Paint ball rock!!! thinking of it, This extreme games some time can really enjoy more then what u even expect. Try it, you will know...

I played it just now, guess wat... 4 shot hits me reall obvious, 1st was on my right bicep, second was left tricep...

the 3rd and 4th, One on my ear and chest, the one on chest really hurt! other then the ear, 3 of started to blue black now.... AIK..... anyway, It is fun!! even thought, it hurt!!

GUYs and GIRLs....

I can be very good with u guy some time, not because it depend on mood or wat...
It is because wat u guy and girl did to me. Wat i mean is, how u guy approach me or the other way round.....

well, this week i started again, going to hospital training, they so called it "posting".
Fine, like usual, i go to hospital to work like any other staff nurse and hope to get knowledge as much as possible.

GUESS wat, i encouter this situation, We wanted to take observation(Blood pressure, temperature, pulse and other) for this patient. Bed number 5, Ridzuan.

My friend pass by his side, he start shouting " YALA, SUDAHLAH, BELA, BELA, JANGAN DATANG SINI", I thought we did something wrong or wat. Fine, I don really care about it, my friend(student nurses) approach him once again this evening by asking politely, "abang, kita nak ambik observation.........."pergilah, jangan kacaus sini", haven finish talking, he start firing..

NVM, when i went to check on them, they ask for my help, fine!!! I HELP UP!, SOUND FUN AH!

approach him, I Haven talk, " pergi lah, jangan dekat dengan saya, ini menyampah, tak payah, tak payah ambik......... Hari hari ambik buat apa pun tak tau(in my heart, "like hell U KNOW")...

I try to explain, "abang, kena ambik lah, kena check kalau condition awak baik ke tak" seriously, at last, he let in......." ambik lah, ambik lah, jangan blame saya kalau tekanan darah tinggi" up untill this point, Deep down, he want people to check, to much ego edi(i think)....... hehehehe!

Here, i am stating, nurses wanted to check ur observation, ur blood pressure, is not for the sake of FUN, is for the sake of u......... U r being monitor with ur life depend on it, whethere u r in good condition or wat, come one lah, be coorperative abit lah, be sporting abit! hahahaha!!!

Hard thing just keep passing by....

Yeah,,, my exam is over.... so wat, i get play and it is just temporary, how i wish i am able to enjoy my days untill the end, but that would nv ever happen in one's life.

B4 exam, study is my(i believe everyone) 1st priority....... everyday, u or me plan to just leave everything aside and study, skip lunch, dinner, movies, and even hanging out with friend. Well, hoping that u or me able to get good grades. this was b4 exam....

After exam, our mind tend to change, we played, we enjoy. And in our mind, AHHHH who care about exam, enjoy 1st, die later. Time changes, we also change....... But when result come out, again, we change again..... LOL, just a thought.

All I wanna say is, our mind change, but hopefully, us(ourself), wont change.

No matter what happen in our self, our pass keep hauting us, preventing us to talk about certain thing, but be sure, u have friend around.

if u ever be deceive by friend, not all are the same JERK........
If u ever be deceive by the one u thought u love most, get over it, not all guy and girl are not the same ma......

Saying is easier then done, U have so many people to talk to, Pray to God, talk to ur family about

it, It is just one part where everyone of us have to pass by.

It has been a while............

Well, it really has been a while. I write this blog, meet up with friend. Lastly, seen the grave yard of my Grandfather(mother side).

I Remember when I was young, everytime my grandfather was admit to hospital, I feel happy. Not because over my grandfather, but able to meet up all the cousin and uncle. Now I feel so "idiot" to think that way, since the word "hospital" now, is so severe type of case and not a joking matter.

Nvm about that, when I was 12. UPSR was around the corner. I woke up early one day, just nice my Mom enter my room, while I was still sitting up from my bed. Blurly, And i listen to my mom. With her voice telling me " Gong Gong pass away this morning" sadly. I don't really understand the whole situation that time. NOW I DO.

If not mistaken, I miss few days of class. Heading straight to Perak, Sitiawan. where my mom's use to live, which is my hometown. Early in the morning, we live the house(KL). On our way back, my mom nv really talk, I don really know why. We, the three brother were playing till tired, in the car, and then sleep. Like usual......

When we were about to reach our hometown, we woke up. after my dad make a left turn. I start noticing that my grand's parent place were pack with people, in and out, full. My mom left the car, I remember i was kinda timid to enter a house full of people, as alway, I stood beside my mom, follow her as she walk in.

As I enter the living room, I saw casket, white clothes coveing most of the stuff, TV set, Table. Except chair. I heard my Grandma crying. I din'nt really care, like I say, I don't really understand the whole situation. Finally saw my cousin, run toward them and start talk and play.

My mom stood beside casket, touching the casket with one hand, and another coveing her mouth. As I observe carefully, she start crying, which is a very rare scence. Only, that moment, inside me, deep down, start feeling something undescribable. Up untill now, I still can't really undertand and explain it.

During the funeral, I was called to wear this white attire, with a pointy hat, everything was white. Traditionally, we were told to walk that place, few Km, I was YOUNG, I just did what I was told.
Those were the day, I was at all, not a sensitive person. Not a question ever appear in my mind.

But now, still searching for an answer to describe that feeling. So yesterday, I went back to my grandfather graveyard, AFTER 7 YEAR......... clean it, swipe it, wipe. Yes, respect is the only word came up in my mind.

Do tell me, u read this blog, write something beside my blog, there is a chat box, do tell me........

hahahaha!!

I guess i was just too caught up by my emotion. DAMN..... I will try my best to nv let it happen. hopefully!

I guess seeing people around me "happy" can make me "smile" which cover all sadness.... hehehehe!

MUST alway remind my self not to be blur over matter which are important.

MUST alway remind my self to let it happen which the ways it should be(feeling happen when some one is interested, not because u can impress them)(BE YOURSELF)

Young adulthood

There no certain set of age in young adulthood is completed. Many people in their 30^th still show their adolescence problem. Acceptance of adult responsibility requires important decision. He most crucial are choosing marriage partner and a career. Young adult year usually begin with a goal or hope. Sheehy (1976) labeled the stage “ the trying twenties”.

Take inventory and see how you rate in this list of attributes of maturity.

· Ability to think of yourself. If you are mature, you can make up your own mind based on your own values. You may seek other opinion, but the final decision will be your own.

· Willingness to accept responsibility for decisions. If you make a mistake, you can recognize your weakness and accept the blame.

· Control of fear and anger. Although you still have worries and irritations, you have better control. You no longer panic or fly into a rage or burst into tears.

· Willingness to work. Rather than shirk responsibility you want to contribute to society and become financially independent. You prefer not to rely on parent and relative for money.

· Capacity for sexual love and lasting love and lasting relationships. You are able to show your inner feeling and accept the feeling of another person in a deep and intimate relationship.

which state are you all in? all the best!

Thing i am Gratefull about!!!!(take 5 minute to read this)

Before CNY, many stuff happen, many unpleasant stuff happen, which i nv really wanna tell out!! hehehehehe!!! not my style... anyway, glad that now, everything has turn out fine....
And yet, Can't believe stuff changes so fast, Eg: perception, feeling, though, idea....... many more.
Certainly, Love, hope, faith can't change in an instant, which i am really glad of!!!


Then i came across, friend(church friend). They really do inspired me, in some ways. Things they thought, thing they do, thing they talk!! It is just wonderfull, it is a privelege to meet them and get to know them!!!


Anyway, yet still the moody attitute start appearing on and off....... which is nv a good thing for me! When i don talk, or laugh. It is not that it is not funny. just that, some part of me can't laugh!



CNY, well, Happy Chinese New Year........ to my family, friend, and all... even though i can't meet up. Yet, i am here to wish u....



During the CNY play some fire work...... all which cost around 300++

My uncle and our conversation.

Us: auntie: i want the dragon egg type(firework)

Auntie:zai ah, go get some.....

amounted to 300++

Uncle: (look at us) 300+ onli ah, u all enough anot...

Us: enough loh!!!!!(he buy, we make less noise)

Many photes were taken(my mom and bro wanna make a photo album) with our long long far away cousin(neighbourhood), and our cousin(both side(dad and mom)). Most of it were happy, even though the weather were freaking hot, but all was worth it!

Many year i bet(gamble), but this year may be the best.... guess i played alot with big money and stuff like that. Anyway.... i drink some Achohol(shivas) erm... with my cousin(i think) kinda like that feeling, i mean, some time. Not alway, but that day was NICE...........(after that drink)

which is sinful.....

Then Came down to my house gathering... on my dad side! Great meeting my Uncle and auntie... Ang Pow were nv a matter, weather it is big or small... as long as i get one, i am certainly happy enough.. Guess wat, one of my cousin have 9 kid... Finally, after so long, i remember their name, start from the edlest to the youngest. Abigail, Ariel, Laura, Liana, Sophie, Zoel, Zachariah, Sarah, and lastly Irael....... hahahah!! there are many more!!

I guess all this really happy stuff, and very successfull(the gathering)!

END OF CNY....

Another story.....

Uncle scolding the son

Uncle: And then WAT???, you nv think this thing through...

This is exactly wat happen when u were in love, u Had her, and then u have no where to go.

Son: I would have figure something out..

Uncle: NO, if her friend haven seen u, they would just curse u.

Son: i am just following my feeling

Uncle:izzit ur own feeling, or izzit a feeling that some one cast upon u.

Son: stop it..

Uncle: I am begging u, It is time to start thinking inward, And time to start asking ur self the big question, WHO ARE YOU, AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?

son: "shout"

For ur info, i change abit of this conversation, It is actually ntg to do with girl, i just put it this way!!!!!! when i was watching it, i was actually imagine this uncle shouting at me, with: and then wat? AND Who are you? this two were the point I am trying to bring up myself...... hope it help other!!!

Thank the Lord for the safe journey, wonderfull friend gathering(church), may God continue to bless us all!

It is just merely matter.....

For so many year...... pain, happy, sad, all kind of moment have been encounter without much problem. It seem that lately stuff are even harder(i guess because we grew older). Nvm about that, many time i think, i wanna be some one strong in the eye of my friend, some one dicipline, and some one important. BUT now, i get to realise that, i am to them are merely matter, who cares rites..................

Anyway, get sick lately, due to over tired, played too much.... sore throat at first, but it seem tat it causes me to have fever..... and guess wat, i told my mother abotu it, she start nagging nagging then onli give panedol, i guess this is how she show her care..

Life cannot live without faith, love, and hope........ read it some where. i know is the truth.... some how, it is hard.... to even have faith or hope or love from ur friend!!!

I am not emoing.... it just the thought all along!!!!!

YAF

Recently, attend a YAF talk, well, YAF stand for young adult fellowship. So, they started the topic, "Courtship to Life partnership". Which i really think it help us, ME alot. Erm.... i don know where to start. But i will begin with, Dating, to Marriage

A relationship started when:

Begin with the man being intentional,

conducted under the accountability of others(family, church, and wise friend),

ALWAYS HAS MARRIAGE AS IT GOAL.

Note: there is no such thing as perfect match. So, it is a myth to think u should date long enough to get enough imformation , or to date enough people to find out the perfect one.

Get in to this Courtship lvl fast, and get out of it quick by turning it into Life-partnership

hahahaha!!! quote from: Pastor Kek. very usefull!! for me.......

Up and Down

Walao, thought stuff would happen as it goes by the smooth path......

Who knows stuff happen along the way, and this is what i have almost forgotten!

Lucky it happen now, thank God that he is able to show the path so soon, as matter haven got any serious or worst yet.

Seriously, if i ever SAY or DO anything wrong, pls!!! tell me! don go around talking my back.. hehehehe!! tell, text me, facebook me, or even, msn me!! do tell!! pls! thank ah!!

Changes!!!

Well, new sem just started, finally get to be the senior in the school of nursing. hahahaha!! we are not the smallest anymore, we are year 1 sem 2. hehehe!

Great, so the college just started, out of ntg, just feel the urge to sleep early, can wake up early. to pay attention in class. erm....... well sudden change cause the body to change tooo....... metabolism.

So, while i slept early, pimple start poppin out, of so many place they can pop out, they pop out under my nose, arggggggggg. for 18 year, i nv had 2 under 2 nose hole. it make it look like i nv wipe my hingus or wat. people stare when i walk around the college, thought that i got flu or something, idiot man! just idoit!! anyway it will gone in a few day, hehehehe!!

another changes is, i get hungry easily, eg. class started at 8, end at 12.30. i start getting hungry at 9 and 11. erm.... don know la!!

lately, thing are great, for me. worried appear but able to solve, stuff change, but no matter wat. it is good, i mean!! erm....... don know lah!