It has been a while............

Well, it really has been a while. I write this blog, meet up with friend. Lastly, seen the grave yard of my Grandfather(mother side).

I Remember when I was young, everytime my grandfather was admit to hospital, I feel happy. Not because over my grandfather, but able to meet up all the cousin and uncle. Now I feel so "idiot" to think that way, since the word "hospital" now, is so severe type of case and not a joking matter.

Nvm about that, when I was 12. UPSR was around the corner. I woke up early one day, just nice my Mom enter my room, while I was still sitting up from my bed. Blurly, And i listen to my mom. With her voice telling me " Gong Gong pass away this morning" sadly. I don't really understand the whole situation that time. NOW I DO.

If not mistaken, I miss few days of class. Heading straight to Perak, Sitiawan. where my mom's use to live, which is my hometown. Early in the morning, we live the house(KL). On our way back, my mom nv really talk, I don really know why. We, the three brother were playing till tired, in the car, and then sleep. Like usual......

When we were about to reach our hometown, we woke up. after my dad make a left turn. I start noticing that my grand's parent place were pack with people, in and out, full. My mom left the car, I remember i was kinda timid to enter a house full of people, as alway, I stood beside my mom, follow her as she walk in.

As I enter the living room, I saw casket, white clothes coveing most of the stuff, TV set, Table. Except chair. I heard my Grandma crying. I din'nt really care, like I say, I don't really understand the whole situation. Finally saw my cousin, run toward them and start talk and play.

My mom stood beside casket, touching the casket with one hand, and another coveing her mouth. As I observe carefully, she start crying, which is a very rare scence. Only, that moment, inside me, deep down, start feeling something undescribable. Up untill now, I still can't really undertand and explain it.

During the funeral, I was called to wear this white attire, with a pointy hat, everything was white. Traditionally, we were told to walk that place, few Km, I was YOUNG, I just did what I was told.
Those were the day, I was at all, not a sensitive person. Not a question ever appear in my mind.

But now, still searching for an answer to describe that feeling. So yesterday, I went back to my grandfather graveyard, AFTER 7 YEAR......... clean it, swipe it, wipe. Yes, respect is the only word came up in my mind.

Do tell me, u read this blog, write something beside my blog, there is a chat box, do tell me........

hahahaha!!

I guess i was just too caught up by my emotion. DAMN..... I will try my best to nv let it happen. hopefully!

I guess seeing people around me "happy" can make me "smile" which cover all sadness.... hehehehe!

MUST alway remind my self not to be blur over matter which are important.

MUST alway remind my self to let it happen which the ways it should be(feeling happen when some one is interested, not because u can impress them)(BE YOURSELF)