Painting while Thinking!

as usual, i woke thinking how much more can I sleep...:) Look out my window and there was it, the sunlight shinning through it. Was rather super sleepy I guess..:)I uses this smiley sign alot lately, remind me to smile...
Went out for breakfast, well history repeat. The waiter was rather rude against chinese customer i think:)

Came back with brushes and all, was preparing to start painting. My suprise, the colour of the paint was rather same.. Started at 11. I realise how time flies when it was 2.30pm, when I was feeling hungry.. went to eat a prepared meal made by my mom. Instant noodle wei.... We don't have that time to go out and have a meal, all I thought, can we finished it on time.

let start with the metaphor, a very perfect way of saying "painting is like, painting I must say". It is where you paint.... I paint the wall, so that it look clean, I shave(paint) my beard, so that it look neat. I bring this topic to a whole new level, Painting the wall can be similar to cleaning your thought, dirty, painful, stain, hurtful.

I seriously believe time don't heal anything, time just keep on getting stain, getting hurt, getting pain! Time don't make thing right, It is the time when u make the decision to clear all this away. Some bigger scar might be seen even though u clear it with a paint. I believe, time give u bigger strength to allow to you clear it away, to hold the brush, roll it, brush it away. It allow to hold no regret over what have happen. It allow you to be clean.
To be a much more better person, As the layer in your heart start to increase, you become more immune to hurt, pain. That, I believe it is how you get stronger...

If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere - Frank A. Clark

Hi, once again. Blogs!!! Spend some time, if you have:)

Thing hasn't been going the way I thought it would be. In just one month, almost everything around me change. From relationship, sports to studies, everything. What some more we can't expect it to change. The good things, I have learn to adapt to it quick enough to hold my self together, before it falls into piece. But still, I still think that "NOT EVERYONE IS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME".

To be honest, the problem now a days I face. It is a whole lot tougher that I use to have. Problem involving lots of people, problem involving friend, and family. Some times I wonder, it is best I start learning how to solve it alone, so that next time, when I get "married", I can easily solve those problem that arise. I turn to God once in a while, I trying to fully depend on him, not yet. I always thought I have a sister to depend with, but then I "take thing for granted". How stupid of me to not appreciate her.

Solving problem can be view as wining a situation, taken control of the whole situation. Depend how you view, when does u stand. etc etc........ WHAT I WANT, when i solve most of the problem. I always look for a win- win situation. How it gonna benefit both side of the party, instead of a party lose. Bigger problem might arise, in a just a matter of time. The sad things is, not many of us view a problem as a "PROBLEM". They view a problem as an advantage, for personal benefit. Instead a team should lose, they want to maximize in their advantage to gain victory. What SELFISH people are this. They are so self centered the only thing come out from their mind is "ME". Not just self centered, they think highly of themselves, gaining any opportunity to dominate the other party. A narcism person, always admired themselves most. A very difficult person to dealt with, in a problem, society, any aspect in life. But what it is to said, when the person have already chosen their life to be this way.
 
But seriously, what different does it makes.... between me and the person I mention above.
The problem is why people think that way and claim the other way. My parent use to say I am a very Cocky guys thinking so highly of myself and I find it so hard to believe at first. I start cursing her for she said, she walk off as if she didn't heard a word of my mouth, because I was angry, she don't talk to me until Cool Off. The moment I thought of it, "why PARENT point out our mistake when we think we haven't make one". Makes sense right. They knew us best, I felt sorry what I have said. Understood the situation well, and promise not to make the same mistake twice, "displace anger" on others!

Back to truth, I am a very arrogant person, thinking that I am so great, just because of some small achievement that I have make in the highschool life. Now that I think of it, I re-evaluate my self from time to time thinking(Am I Arrogant). Now here is the deal, recognizing ourselves, evaluating ourselves is not so much of the point here......

Listening to the "TRUTH", that is the hardest thing that ONE can hear. I still find it hard when my friend & family point my mistake. Hold a second, they would not say a thing if I haven't committed yet right =)
Accepting and Acknowledging it is the best I could say, "feelings" can be wrong sometime, Jeremiah 17.9 "The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked." I would not trust my heart in knowing that Me, Myself is GOOD enough or not. Do leave some comment here, anywhere else in my blog. Anything u disagree, HEHE!

Ya, it is the day....

2nd week of posting for this semester, and lots of negativity in my thought about people, things, and events.Trying to get a hold of myself. Realize that, friends can only help this much. I can only do this much. Kinda sad. Weak!!! that's it. I am weak, in a sense like really weak. In many thing I must say. Anyway,

Some times, we said! I'm good enough, I'm are myself, accept me or hate me! I'm are not "perfect". All this are good enough to safe ourselves from any hurtful things said by people, I think It is an excuse to accept the fact that you 's**k"!!! But let's not forget, we are human being, we makes mistake. It is good to sometime, sit down, quitely, flash back of what you have done for the pass few month, evaluate yourself, the mistake, things you've say, things you promise and not doing it. Think it through, how much you have cause your friend to lose faith in you. Respect, and confidence are earn. But by WORD  about you can't change that fact you are yourself??? What nonsense!!! We can't please everyone, certainly. The least you could do is please your self in a way "Win Win situation".

YA, it is my birthday!! passes 2 hour ago:) I've many people I wanna thank!! My Church friend, you guys have given me many surprises! Aik, the cards(2 card :p)! the Cakes( i think i spoil the mood) haha! but thanks anyway, made me feel "something" when i'm around with you guys. I'm stil trying figure out the word to describe! :) thx you so much!!!
Secondly, my classmate for throwing a surprise party where i am suppose to give another person a surprise party! Very unexpected! The bags, the cake!!! the dinner! awesome:) thx you!

Surprise are like Ups & Downs. When it is downs, it make us learn how to manage it and let's not dwell in it, When it it Ups, Cherish it, and enjoy it like there is no tomorrow d^-^b

THAT'S LIFE.

Can you answer this riddle?

 

Here is a pretty neat little thing from Paul Harvey. See if you can guess the riddle at the end.

 Paul Harvey Writes:

       We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse. For my grandchildren, I'd like better.

I'd really like for them to know about hand me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meat loaf sandwiches.. I really would.

 

  

I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated.

 

 

I hope you learn to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car.

And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.

 

 It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put to sleep.

I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.

 

 

I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother/sister. And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room, but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I hope you let him.

 

 

 

When you want to see a movie and your little brother/sister wants to tag along, I hope you'll let him/her.

 

 

I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.

 

  

On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your driver to drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom.

 

  

If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one.

 

 

I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books.

 

 

When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head.

 

 

 

I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a boy / girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what ivory soap tastes like.

 

 

May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.

 

 

I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it.. And if a friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he/she is not your friend.

 

 

 

I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandma/Grandpa and go fishing with your Uncle.

 

 

May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays.

  

I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through your neighbor's window and that she hugs you and kisses you at Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.

 

 

These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life.

 

 

Written with a pen. Sealed with a kiss. I'm here for you. And if I die before you do, I'll go to heaven and wait for you.

Stuff happen

Hi everyone, once again, will be telling out what I have been through....:(
Sunday was suppose to be just a another Sunday. When Pastor Ho ask us to join the outrich team, we are suppose to go around the neighbourhood to talk about the gospel, to get to know more about them. I was kinda nervous, the last sunday, Uncle Daniel, auntie bee shuet, Uncle Christian, Fide, chze zheng and me. we were suppose to find Karman, but he is now at home, plan change, we ended up in the old folk home.

I was certainly nervous when it come to meeting people, meeting people who are 2 time apart of the generation gap. Not easy to talk to. The place located some where inside SK town, as we reach, and we park out cars, we walk in to the home, as we step into the house, everyone was staring at us.

How funny, a bunch of young looking people going into an old folk home. I can view it in two point of view, 1st it is very sad, pity to see a bunch of old folk in an old folks home when they are suppose to be taken care by their family member, how sad, i mean! YOUR PARENT HAVE BEEM TAKEN CARE OF YOU WHEN YOU WERE A BABY(WHEN YOU DON'T DESERVE A THING) AND YET THEY DO IT OUT OF LOVE, AND U DUMP THEM TO AN OLD FOLK HOME. WOW, SO GREAT OF YOU!!! I am just actually telling this to myself, now and always that, it is ours responsibility to take good care of our parent when they are old, until they leave this world, it is utmost responsibility as a children of our parent. I believe.

Secondly, I can take it as God want me to see this, to appreciate what we still have. Parent, brothers, best- friend, friend, and of course people around me. Seeing mentally retarded person lying on the floor at the old folk home, She is only 40, can't speak, can't eat, not even aware what she is going through. Very very sad. Just so to let you all know, all they need is a little of attention from us, children. Being a business man, required you to be heartless, selfish. At least keep a little bit for your parent, those heart of yours, Cold as an ICE.

A things to share... Hope you guys don't find offended, if yes, SORRY!  

Get OUT!!!!!

In life, you some times wish that, you get out of certain situation, good or bad doesn't matter, as long you can get out of it. How nice, if your wish happen as you speak. But face the fact that you won't be getting out of it untill you are are done with it.

Some how, I know that my friend is always there, always beside me giving, and showing support on me. There fore, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you, You KNOW who you are, I don't have to list a name here:) Ex school mate, seniors, friend. They are just there, hands prepared to catch me whenever I fall(I Seriously Hope so). But why in the world am I so afraid to tell them about the problems, More like I manage to escape from those problem, not verbally, more like abusing stuff that cross one limits.

They ask and yet I reject, They show their love as a friend and yet I drew it apart. Some how I can't find the right person to talk it out. The problem not as big as it seems, but when it starts to accumulate. There is when it start to get worse. I manage to escape, but for how long?

How is it to feel that the request you are given are over your limits. How is it to feel that the whole team depend on you(Teams may not feel it this way). How is it to feel that each time a friend threw his/her anger on you. How is it to feel weak when you say sorry, yet it is one the easiest way to get over a social problem. I feel quite relieved after listing it out, at least I know where to start reinforce it:)

There are more problem that I am not comfortable in saying it. But one thing I Learn
"Life Ain't Fair, So get over it" I use on myself. Stuck this sentence in my brain:)
If you reading this, Don't hesitate to leave a comment on the shout out or below. Wish to hear it out from your point of view:)

Afraid to Give up

Is that even possible.......

giving up yet afraid of it:)

Many times, i have seen friend giving up on what they want/like to do. From studies, sport, and many more. And out of the sudden, u start ponder upon like, WHAT!! they have the chance, they have the brain, the body, the mind, and still they give up, short to say "talented" people. And yet, they still give up! Not suprise to see some one give up during this year of time, this age of life, this generation(i guess)

dear friend, think twice wei!!!! How many of us wanna be in ur place. You have the chance, the life, the hand, leg, time, knowledge. Still u wanna give up??? If i were to give up something, i hope my friend some how tell me some thing about something...:) hehe!!

Just an advise, If u are in a dilema of giving up. Do think of what possible, obtimistic thing that will hapen when one give up. Don't ever regret, Do look back in ur life and make a change. I am not saying this specifically to myself.

All this thought pop out when i was jogging in the evening, during half of the distance i plan to jog, and then rains start pouring down. And then I have a competition coming up. hehe. SEE YA!!!

Promise but yet empty promise

What is that you don't touch, and break easily? yup, promise, that it. lately it is not as good as anything else there is to good for.

I used to keep all my promise, especially to my friend. Hmm, Be on time to play ball, be on time when wanna hang out, I don't mind reaching early in those day. Saying I will train hard to improve, yes indeed I improve, defeated the one I wanna defeat. Most of it, It is just in sport(No mean to brag).

Now, in college life, people change's. Especially people once close with you. They will never be the same like before, even me. Now that I don't meet them often, They tend forget me and goes on, Well, i hate to admit this, but this is life. People don't wait, people don't hold on to what they have. Stupidly, why do I....

Well, the truth always make people feel uneasy(especially the bible told us so, devil makes us feel that we are "ok", we are right, but actualy we are not.), the truth make them feel unwanted, BUT no, when we speak the truth, they will still wanna complain that the truth we speak is fake(wrong) and theirs is right!!!!! WTH!!! You can hear them talk about stuff they wanna do so much, and not putting any effort in it. Suck to have people like this, PLS!!! do the talk, don't just talk the talk. Once or twice you don't do it, understandable. More then that, I(Edwin) started losing faith in you. Seriously, you do it few times, ENOUGH!

I admit, i break my friend before(i apologize and try not to do it anymore), but you keep doing it again, ready to be forgiven????? . I will not say much as I have not reach a certain level to speak that way, But seriously, if you wanna do it so much, talk less, do more!!!!

Grenade

Every time Bruno mars sings "I will catch a grenade for you"

I was seriously caught by the voice and also the lyric!

I just can't imagine who will do it to.

Now that I realize, people who are in love.

Seriously, IN lOVE!!!!

I once thought I can sacrifice anything for this girl, but things don't work out the way I plan.

By just thinking, Won't make any difference in life, So to say, I am Failure, yup, FAILURE!!!!

Funny thing is, after sharing with my freind. I can't just forget her the way I once use to forget.

It is like, hoping one day, everything will turn into place.

Freaking lazy

Don know what to say lah.....

Just that, easily get frustrated, easily get irritate

Unlike high school life, you can tell anything to anybody knowing that he will be a good listener even though his or she is not.....

Now a days, hardly you find anyone willing to listen to what you wanna say.

Everyone will be like asking "YO, WATZZUP, HOW YOU, HEY, HI" and then off to their own duties..... hehehehe

the sad part of the whole idea was, you got no one to turn to, no one to tell it to, what i mean i s problem. alway thinking about it make self kinda sick.

The good part is, we learn how to think, how to convince ourself that this or that matter is not as big as we thought.

Then come FB, hmmmmm.........

We use to sit together with friend talking our own stories and understand it, laugh about it, joke about it, and exchange ideas or own thought. But now adays we don talk like we use to talk, we post it in "FB", there are plenty of friend will comment it, it make us feel good, knowing that people notice, people comment, exchanging thought and all. But, when friend meet up, we don talk about it, because it is already say in FB, comment it again won't and also knowing that you are long winded....:) just a thought:)

Yeah.... Hehe:)

It been quite some time that I did not even wanna write or blog my blog...:)

Nvm about that, I would my best to write something of me(knowing no body will read sound like a waste, but who care, I just write...:))

Hm... let see, i just finish my 4 week posting at the hospital Serdang and a student nurse:) thing are getting more and more interesting. We get to see real open wound, with real diabetic gangrene ulcer foot(some of the patient), real bloody scene, and real job to be handle. And of course, exam is just around the corner.....:)

Thing are getting laid back. I don't feel the fear i used to. For example: preparing for a fight when Some one pisses me off, with some feeling of fear yet, not ended up a fight at the end of the day( this won't be nice, because even I my self haven been fighting ever since I was in primary) sort of make a oath to myself that I won't fight. And I am still keeping it now:)

about promise, i sort confuse myself by promising and then not happening, I hated it when I take thing for granted, knowing that everything will turn out orderly without me working hard for it. some thing has to strike, and indeed, it strike. another example of this will be, when I promise some one that i will tell her something, in the end i forget, but she is still thinking about all this time. Feeling guilty won't do much. Waiting for the thing settle is even not in my blood. Now that i am still searching for the right time to say it orderly....... hope it work.

lastly, I guess I just think to much. Thinking is good, but thinking too much is bad. Well, How do I put it, hm........ eg, thinking how a friend would think of me as a??? thnking how would thing turn out to as bad as i ever think, but it turn out to be good...:P this are minor stuff and yet, I can't figure it out.

Yet for the major part will be, "connecting picture" different occasion happen for a reason, it is all connect, A person suddenly hate you, it mean something. hmm, another thing will be "What goes around, comes around" hehe.... hatred, anger, bad thing, what i have done, it will come back to me one day.....:)

What else.........

Friend are alway there, and yet I am still.......
People there i like will alwaybe there too.......

I read it some where. Christian book, saying if u have a burden "Cast it to lord"
Yes, i did pray for that.

And Yes, I am unable to express my self that much, tat is the burden i am having lately.
Who to tell, who will listen, why in the 1st place i would think this way...... lack of word in explaining something, speaking something so unorganize(people would get irritate)

It would be a pleasure tat people tell me about their problem. Does it mean "trust"?

During posting in hosptal. Well people died, it is something common, but I onli get to see 2 died, in one day, tat left me thinking how short can it be....
After a week, I get a message saying one of my freind's father pass away.
It is not that this bothering me or wat....it is just, no matter who, they won't be with us(i mean, the world) for ever so called life.

I am still unable to say which is what, what is why, What to worried......i will stop here,b4 everything turn nonsense:)!

So, this is what happen

I was so sure i got back at the right track with a group of friend, hanging out, chatting, Yum cha!! shock!!! but it seem like whatever i do, is really not enough to what they can accept, in just one day when u say u can't hang out or cancel a day out or something... it is like I have dump them or something, then the next time, they wont call u out for good! haiz.......

I have been thinking whether which one to focus more, or which one to do 1st. So many thing to do in such a little time!!! anyway, i wont exactly post what i want to do in this blog.... but roughly, do it, and then u guys will know it!!! It is better done then say( something like this) hehehehhehe!!!

finally, which i have been thinking lately, people can't always be there for u, it not whether how u earn ur fame then people will respect u. I have done that, it seem like that failing me most of the time! have to change abit of the mindset.... hehe! and lastly, seriously, what i thought, when story change, people change!!! Thanks God, that he show me a way, by using friend around me.

When story change with the people, Onli the story move on, People wont change!! izzit this way???? eheheheh!!! do comment!!!!

Gossip

Well, I have been always looking forward at posting(nursing practical). The bad and good happen at the same time. I guess it always happen that way. Which I must quickly adapt to it.

This thing i realise......... Very Very hurting, Normal, And TRUE!!!!

People have the right to feel offended and able to speak up.... And yet, they uses it differently. I can't say that i didn't do it. Because, unintentionally, i speak up my mind to the other which is "OK".

Here goes nothing, They can act cute, good, nice infront of you, and yet they will go behind ur back and talk crap, ONE THING that gets on my nerve, instead of the truth, they change the story and interpret it more "worst" in order to make things sound interesting. WHICH REALLY SUCKS......

If u are saying the truth, then go ahead....... But if u know that friend of urs is a "big mouth" fellow, Do u think u wan him to know about ur stuff??? this is what i am lucky for, around me, i Don see any of my friend being BIG MOUTH, not now... hopefully, not in the future.

And lastly, if I really done anything wrong, because seriously, some times i don't understand what I did is wrong or right.... SO, pls! personally, find me, tell me(not for advise but for my fault)

The problem is.....

Erm.... Now that i have reach this age! OK, i admit, kinda cool to be in this age!!!

Seriously wei.... i would rather stay in my younger day, enjoying every moment(realistic la, have to grow up).

SEE, people ask what am I studying now, I would proudly answer it.

But when people ask whether u have GF ornot.... my answer would be not yet.

Straight away, when both of this question connected, they would think that i am GAY.

Whatever, I have my point of being single and studying this course!! hahahaha

About my course, very long story, i woould onli tell it to certain some one, why i wanna take this course!!!

About the point of being single or not. SERIOUSLY doubt when people say, "aiya, with ur looks and size, easily can gf loh". WTH, Wat with my look? size? i mean... NVM NVM!!!

about the look, i wont comment, let it judge by ur self, whoever reading this.

about the size, i have plan, not being to big!!! slim..... ya, big but not huge, bicep! slim waist, broad shoulder!!! SERIOUSLY, hard to build some thing like this.

anyways, here is where i think of a relationship,

BEING TOGETHER, when boys have to like pay everything. Come on, BOYS, u r gettin married, she is going to give u a family, be a man.

Secondly, Commitment is a big issue, i mean, now at my age, all I think is study and sport. Where some more got time for gurl oh!!! hanging out enough edi!!! don have to always be together and all those sort of stuff.

Thirdly, From my point of view, well!!! seriously, if I aren't sure this girl is my last GF, break up will happen, and guess wat, I will break another girl heart!!! THIS IS WHAT I DON WANNA DO!

Well, this summarize everything, being together take more than just love. OK let say the opposite sex wanted to be together, Reject? or choose to pleased him or her to be together!

For me, reject her breaks her heart. This is big matter.

What if both of u have been together, reject her will be even serious matter.

Why choose big when you can choose small!!!

Have been thinking of this quite some times!!! Onli now are able to make it into an essay that are readable!!! HEHEHEHE:)

Should I Put it "finally", "for now"

well, thing have gotten pretty well lately.

To be honest, i have this feeling of going in the club and enjoy those drinks.....

but some time, thing just doesn't get ur ways.. wel!!! :)

meeting up with friend can seriously connect me back to pieces.... how they talk, what they talk, how my self react to it.... It is just, "It make me realize how am I acting lately"

which is not good, i mean acting ain't gonna help a person.

Secondly, have u ever been into a situation, ur close freind, best friend, friend....

for me, "it was her beauty-ness that suck me into an uncousious situation, where i can't find a word to talk to her.... it is just her"......beauty..

Paint ball rock!!! thinking of it, This extreme games some time can really enjoy more then what u even expect. Try it, you will know...

I played it just now, guess wat... 4 shot hits me reall obvious, 1st was on my right bicep, second was left tricep...

the 3rd and 4th, One on my ear and chest, the one on chest really hurt! other then the ear, 3 of started to blue black now.... AIK..... anyway, It is fun!! even thought, it hurt!!

GUYs and GIRLs....

I can be very good with u guy some time, not because it depend on mood or wat...
It is because wat u guy and girl did to me. Wat i mean is, how u guy approach me or the other way round.....

well, this week i started again, going to hospital training, they so called it "posting".
Fine, like usual, i go to hospital to work like any other staff nurse and hope to get knowledge as much as possible.

GUESS wat, i encouter this situation, We wanted to take observation(Blood pressure, temperature, pulse and other) for this patient. Bed number 5, Ridzuan.

My friend pass by his side, he start shouting " YALA, SUDAHLAH, BELA, BELA, JANGAN DATANG SINI", I thought we did something wrong or wat. Fine, I don really care about it, my friend(student nurses) approach him once again this evening by asking politely, "abang, kita nak ambik observation.........."pergilah, jangan kacaus sini", haven finish talking, he start firing..

NVM, when i went to check on them, they ask for my help, fine!!! I HELP UP!, SOUND FUN AH!

approach him, I Haven talk, " pergi lah, jangan dekat dengan saya, ini menyampah, tak payah, tak payah ambik......... Hari hari ambik buat apa pun tak tau(in my heart, "like hell U KNOW")...

I try to explain, "abang, kena ambik lah, kena check kalau condition awak baik ke tak" seriously, at last, he let in......." ambik lah, ambik lah, jangan blame saya kalau tekanan darah tinggi" up untill this point, Deep down, he want people to check, to much ego edi(i think)....... hehehehe!

Here, i am stating, nurses wanted to check ur observation, ur blood pressure, is not for the sake of FUN, is for the sake of u......... U r being monitor with ur life depend on it, whethere u r in good condition or wat, come one lah, be coorperative abit lah, be sporting abit! hahahaha!!!

Hard thing just keep passing by....

Yeah,,, my exam is over.... so wat, i get play and it is just temporary, how i wish i am able to enjoy my days untill the end, but that would nv ever happen in one's life.

B4 exam, study is my(i believe everyone) 1st priority....... everyday, u or me plan to just leave everything aside and study, skip lunch, dinner, movies, and even hanging out with friend. Well, hoping that u or me able to get good grades. this was b4 exam....

After exam, our mind tend to change, we played, we enjoy. And in our mind, AHHHH who care about exam, enjoy 1st, die later. Time changes, we also change....... But when result come out, again, we change again..... LOL, just a thought.

All I wanna say is, our mind change, but hopefully, us(ourself), wont change.

No matter what happen in our self, our pass keep hauting us, preventing us to talk about certain thing, but be sure, u have friend around.

if u ever be deceive by friend, not all are the same JERK........
If u ever be deceive by the one u thought u love most, get over it, not all guy and girl are not the same ma......

Saying is easier then done, U have so many people to talk to, Pray to God, talk to ur family about

it, It is just one part where everyone of us have to pass by.

It has been a while............

Well, it really has been a while. I write this blog, meet up with friend. Lastly, seen the grave yard of my Grandfather(mother side).

I Remember when I was young, everytime my grandfather was admit to hospital, I feel happy. Not because over my grandfather, but able to meet up all the cousin and uncle. Now I feel so "idiot" to think that way, since the word "hospital" now, is so severe type of case and not a joking matter.

Nvm about that, when I was 12. UPSR was around the corner. I woke up early one day, just nice my Mom enter my room, while I was still sitting up from my bed. Blurly, And i listen to my mom. With her voice telling me " Gong Gong pass away this morning" sadly. I don't really understand the whole situation that time. NOW I DO.

If not mistaken, I miss few days of class. Heading straight to Perak, Sitiawan. where my mom's use to live, which is my hometown. Early in the morning, we live the house(KL). On our way back, my mom nv really talk, I don really know why. We, the three brother were playing till tired, in the car, and then sleep. Like usual......

When we were about to reach our hometown, we woke up. after my dad make a left turn. I start noticing that my grand's parent place were pack with people, in and out, full. My mom left the car, I remember i was kinda timid to enter a house full of people, as alway, I stood beside my mom, follow her as she walk in.

As I enter the living room, I saw casket, white clothes coveing most of the stuff, TV set, Table. Except chair. I heard my Grandma crying. I din'nt really care, like I say, I don't really understand the whole situation. Finally saw my cousin, run toward them and start talk and play.

My mom stood beside casket, touching the casket with one hand, and another coveing her mouth. As I observe carefully, she start crying, which is a very rare scence. Only, that moment, inside me, deep down, start feeling something undescribable. Up untill now, I still can't really undertand and explain it.

During the funeral, I was called to wear this white attire, with a pointy hat, everything was white. Traditionally, we were told to walk that place, few Km, I was YOUNG, I just did what I was told.
Those were the day, I was at all, not a sensitive person. Not a question ever appear in my mind.

But now, still searching for an answer to describe that feeling. So yesterday, I went back to my grandfather graveyard, AFTER 7 YEAR......... clean it, swipe it, wipe. Yes, respect is the only word came up in my mind.

Do tell me, u read this blog, write something beside my blog, there is a chat box, do tell me........

hahahaha!!

I guess i was just too caught up by my emotion. DAMN..... I will try my best to nv let it happen. hopefully!

I guess seeing people around me "happy" can make me "smile" which cover all sadness.... hehehehe!

MUST alway remind my self not to be blur over matter which are important.

MUST alway remind my self to let it happen which the ways it should be(feeling happen when some one is interested, not because u can impress them)(BE YOURSELF)